Nothing, Almost, Prisoner
by acochran5
Summary: Zeref has nothing, and because he almost always does something but never does, he is a prisoner of his very own making. (Three oneshots in one, some Dragneel brothers, angst) COMPLETE


**A/N Hehe, here you guys go. I decided to take three short oneshots and post them together because they had similar themes. In case you didn't know, the breaks are where one oneshot ends and another begins. Warnings are angst and general hopelessness.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairytail**

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The hardest thing in his life, was loving someone he knew would never love him back. It was the most painful kind of emptiness, a meaningless emptiness, an empty emptiness. The kind that swallowed him whole as he was left to wonder if the world was worth it. Or if everything should be destroyed in more meaningless wars and deaths.

There was silence when they met again. Complete and utter silence, yet he could hear a million words echoing in the empty space. Words of love and hate. Long words, short words, warm words, cold ones too. All said without a word.

And the world kept moving. Like such words, actions, and thoughts were meaningless. The deaths of others engraved in the few, mourned in the few, and forgotten everywhere else. Long, long forgotten. It was impossible to mourn a person who had never existed in one's life to begin with, wasn't it?

That's why people would strive for greatness, for fame. For power. To be remembered, to be feared, to be invincible. Like any human, he naturally wanted these things as well, along with validation, kindness, and serenity. Unlike most, he was not allowed both. No, he wasn't allowed either.

He had expected death to feel cold. To feel wrong, to be swift, to be over. It wasn't. Death, true death felt hot and messy and hurt like hell, even if only for an instant. His nerves were on fire, it hurt terribly, but in the end it didn't matter. In the end, he would stop, he would die, all would be gone, and the much greater pain in his tortured soul would vanish. And he would be forgotten, perhaps more so then any other human on Earth. For unlike most he would be mourned by none, for he had never existed in anyone's life to begin with.

The world seemed black and white, filled with nothing but the void. Black dots in his vision, labored breathing and thoughts of all the things he'd done. The years flashed before his eyes as he allowed himself to remember the pain. Always the pain. He allowed himself to feel this, just to convince himself that death was wanted, death was welcome, despite every fiber of his being screaming at him to stay alive, to try and survive.

Nothing was left for him in the world, but that didn't stop him from clinging on to every last shred of the broken pieces of his soul that connected him to the earth. It didn't stop him from wanting to live, it didn't stop him from being human.

It didn't stop his heart from hurting, it didn't stop the cuts, the jagged edges of what remained, it didn't stop, it never would. Burning in hell did not seem so bad as of now, for at least he would understand he deserved it.

All he'd ever wanted was love and peace. But this world gave and dropped war countless times on his doorstep, so what to do but give in to his destiny and become the monster everyone including himself already knew he was.

And in the moments of hot, fiery pain, he couldn't help but smile for this was the only thing he wanted, the only thing he was allowed to want, the only thing he deserved. "Zeref…" a voice that rose above the darkness, the voice that dragged him back to the present, away from thoughts of his destruction. The voice… "You are my brother, aren't you? You're not lying?"

He had nothing to gain by lying. But he could not speak, couldn't confirm or deny, but in the silence all that needed to be said, was. "I didn't think you were." He said softly. "You say you want to die. I don't believe it for a second." Zeref would've laughed if he could. Of course he didn't want death, he'd rather live his life in peace and he'd rather destroy the world than live this way. "I can see the need to live in your eyes. I can see you're afraid."

Was he mocking him? Zeref didn't know. "But… you're even more afraid to continue living, aren't you? All you are is afraid. That's why you've done all this. You're scared."

Natsu sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else. Zeref didn't confirm or deny this, though Natsu was indeed correct. Zeref was scared. Scared of living, scared of dying, scared of existing. He had been scared for so long though, he was tired of that, which was why he decided he'd die in this war. Anything else and he would break under everything. He didn't want to break. Didn't want to give Ankhersam the satisfaction. "We're all scared of dying, Zeref. And we're scared with our lives too. It's normal to feel that way, but we have people to help us get through the darkness, to help us not feel so afraid…." He paused. "And I know it's a little late… but I'm here for you right now."

He grabbed Zeref's hand and squeezed. "And from now on I promise I'll always be right here." He smiled lightly.

"P-pr-se…"

"Promise, yes. Promise. I promise. I will not leave you alone. Not ever again."

Not alone, huh? "But in return, you've gotta promise to save me a spot in hell."

Natsu took his silence as a yes, though he really couldn't have answered any other way. "Thank you for everything, Zeref. I'm sorry things had to end up like this, and I bet you're sorry too. But that's just how life goes. But at least you don't have to be afraid of life or death any longer."

And at last, Zeref closed his eyes, for the first time not feeling an ounce of fear. Oddly enough there was nothing to be afraid of. Death felt like a warm, kind smile after hundreds of years of nothing.

* * *

It was almost funny, how he could be a hero. It was almost tragic that things it didn't end up that way.

They had almost been in love.

She had almost healed him.

He had almost accepted it.

But then she almost died, and he realized he couldn't be with her.

And it almost broke him. He wanted it to break him. But it didn't. It didn't break him, because he hadn't been broken yet, so he wasn't going to break him now.

And he almost let her go. He gave her back, but he kept a piece of her. And he clung to that piece, tighter than he clung to even his own life.

After she physically left him, he continued building an empire and he could almost be at peace. He could almost stop killing. But, it could never be complete peace for him.

So, he traveled and came to an island, Tenrou island, HER island. And of course, he stayed, because he could feel her, like she was almost there standing next to him. And he almost loved her again. Almost forgave her for leaving him, but he couldn't. He knew he could never completely forgive her.

He stayed there. Stayed there for a long time. Time went slow until he couldn't tell the days apart, couldn't tell if days or years had gone by. He didn't want to spend another day in this world.

And then, he came. He came. And Zeref almost let the tears fall, he almost let himself be overcome with emotion, with relief, with happiness, with love. A horrible mistake on his part.

Zeref held his head between his hands, and screamed. Black fogged swirled at his feet. He looked up, and smiled at the pink-haired boy in front of him. "Natsu." He whispered softly. He was so happy, happy to see him and he allowed himself to feel. A mistake, but one he was willing to make if it would allow him to love his younger brother, even if it was only for an instant.

* * *

He was a prisoner.

Completely, utterly trapped.

He was a prisoner of his own mind, of his own heart, of his own soul, of his own life. There was nowhere for him to go. Nowhere he could run, nowhere he could escape. The world was his cage, and he would never move beyond it's iron bars.

He was broken.

And he found that funny, in an empty sort of way. _What did you think would happen _he asked himself. Was he really still so naïve, even after everything, had he thought the world would pity him or something?

He had begged for love, he had murdered for it. He found it treacherous, to murder for the moment of reprieve; the moment of satisfaction; the moment of humanity.

In the aftermath of his broken life, he had sought out comfort and sympathy, he had received none.

That was when he understood the difference. The difference between himself and the rest. The rest had love, the other children had love, they looked at him and they saw nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So he had done the only thing he could think of. He wanted love, and he wouldn't get it in his current state, so he searched for a way to find the person, to hold the person. The only person who would ever hold him back.

And he became a slave to his own ambition, his own thirst, his own selfish needs and wants. The emptiness demanded to be filled, it demanded he give in, it demanded he be who he was meant to be.

A monster.

He got what he deserved. He deserved to murder for love, he deserved it because it was what he had asked for. He begged for love, and oh had he gotten it in the most bittersweet way. A lifetime of love, just an arm's reach away, but just far enough not even his fingertips could brush it.

He extended his arm as far as it would go, he reached through the iron bars until his body screamed at him to stop and yet he kept going, destroying any living thing that got in his way.

He'd loved, he'd learned to love alright. He'd love a person who didn't know him, who would never know him, would never love him. Such a pitiful creature he was, begging for love, receiving it, and then begging for more.

Unquenchable thirst, needs and wants.

Prisoner.

"Please let me out."

But he would never leave, he would never see the light of day, that was a promise. "I'm sorry." But it was too late for sorry's and he knew it.

He knew because he wanted it.

_You asked for this, you asked for this, you asked for this. Didn't you? Didn't you?_

He had, and he'd gotten it. He'd gotten just what he asked for. There was love in his life, one-sided, but love all the same, and he couldn't take it. He had finally given in to the despair, and hopelessness, and bitterness.

He hoped the world was prepared for a man with nothing to lose.

Because in the end he was just like everyone else in this God forsaken world.

A prisoner.

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**A/N Hope they were okay and that you enjoyed. Reviews make me happy!**


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